better off not knowing
by whizz
Summary: the reason for Satoshi's unusual behaviour is the same thing as always; Daisuke. the consequences of his unusual behaviour is also the same as always; Krad. one-sided Satoshi/Daisuke, Dark/Satoshi, Krad/Satoshi


**anime/manga; **DNAngel  
**pairing; **Satoshi/Daiuske, Dark/Satoshi, Krad/Satoshi  
**warnings; **shonen-ai, angst, storyline-change kindof  
**disclaimer; **I do not own DNAngel or any of the characters used.

**i.**

It hits Satoshi with the rapidity of lighting, and it's the _OH! _kind of realization, the one that leaves you wondering how you didn't see it coming earlier.

Because there Daisuke is, ruby-red spikes framing his flushed face gently, and the sun rays right at his back makes it look like there's a halo of light adorning his head, and he's saying something, Satoshi knows he is because his mouth-movements are clearly visible despite the bluenette's light-headed state, but there's just _so _much color vibrating in Daisuke's face, and _that can't be Satoshi's heart pounding._

"Hiwatari-kun? Are you all right?"

He is brought out of his trance when he finds the strength to rip his gaze away from the smaller boy, and his impeccably blank mask is in place, like it always is.

"Do forgive me, Niwa-kun. I think I'm feeling a bit ill."

"Really? Should I follow you all the way home? Hiwatari-kun, do you have a fever?" and the concern is clearly laced within those words, he's not even trying to hide the sincerity of them, fingertips rough with years of thief-training reaching for Satoshi's illogically heated cheek.

The flinch is defensive, and Satoshi confirms that everything's just peachy, A-OK, wonderful with cherries on top before taking his calculated leave, a baffled Daisuke left standing on the exact same spot with amber eyes widened in worry.

Satoshi thinks that for actually being ranked a wonderchild, a genius, an absolute sensation, he can be quite dumb sometimes - not even foreseeing these disturbing feelings creeping up on him the more time he spent with the Niwa-boy.

Krad yells and Krad is outraged, but Satoshi's used to it and he stays quiet throughout the whole torturing process, not even wincing at the feeling of his head being turned inside out and his body shaking with physical pain from the strain of keeping the monster within him locked up, because he is blissfully numb with mind-blowing, never-before-experienced, irrational _joy_ that actually stays in his system for two whole days, Daisuke's presence enough to lure the hint of a smile out of him without reason, and he finds himself tumbling into the present when his insides freezes because of the redheaded boy's hold on his wrist.

"Hiwatari-kun, hey, let's hurry up before lunch break ends!" and it's that wonderful smile, the childish and not-a-worry-in-the-world-grin, the one that makes the sun pale in comparison and makes the turning globe of water, sky and earth seem that much kinder.

Satoshi does something he's never-ever-_ever _done before; he acts on pure instinct.

It ends with screaming and struggling, with confusion and fear and harsh pushes and demands and _why, Hiwatari-kun, why would you do that, I thought we were- _and Satoshi's legs move of their own accord, limply dragging one foot after another like a zombie and gaze focused on the ground in front of him as he walks away from the empty schoolyard and the back of Niwa disappearing behind the building, but not away from the repulsion and rejection washing over his itching skin.

The next day in school, Niwa is holding hands with that pretty little Harada-twin, a delicious blush spread neatly across his sun-kissed skin as all of their friends gather around them, dripping with questions and innunedo-filled remarks and he smiles sheepishly, eyes glued to the ground, but the hand holding Riku's smaller one only tightens it grip.

Satoshi is as emotionless as ever, a breathing corpse, but as soon as he steps into his apartment at the end of the day - his apartment, not his home, never his home - he shakes with choked sobs and ends up on the floor in a hulking, pitiful heap of heartbroken boy.

Krad is there to reassure and comfort him, whispering _I-told-you-so's_ so softly it could have been lullabies and stroking light-blue hair with impossible tenderness.

**ii.  
**

Although he has made absolute, one-hundred-percent sure of avoiding Niwa as much as possibly possible, he still has to do his job.

Nothing personal; it's profesionalism in its purest form.

And although he definitely _knows _(probably better than anyone) that Niwa and Dark are two different personalities entirely, not even the slightest thing connecting them save for the body they're currently sharing and the phantom gene that is, in fact, the real object of blame in this complicated mess, he still finds himself quite surprised as the infamous, lady-chasing thief presses him up against the nearest wall, cocky smirk spreading over full lips.

"You're funny, commander, you know that?" Dark drawls wickedly, grinding his fist more firmly into Satoshi's front shirt. "I have to say, that little stunt you pulled the other day was quite interesting - but not very unpredictable", he continued, snickering.

Satoshi could feel his face twist in horrified anger.

"You-"

"I suppose that Dai-chan is just dense like that, though", the thief interrupts, grin widening knowingly as the other boy sharply inhales at the nickname so far past his interaction limits with Niwa.

And then, he does something completely unexpected.

Dark forces the weight of his lips onto the bluenette, and although Satoshi's immediate reaction is to fight for all that he is worth (it's ironic, isn't it, like a goddamn déjà vú all over again), he finds that it is useless resisting; his weak, human body held captive against the wall and Dark's hands like iron shackles around his wrists isn't exactly the ideal condition.

Satoshi stays immobile during the entire thing, his mind painfully blank as the thief moves against his lips in talented ways. It's not until he feels a tongue probing at the seam of his lips that Satoshi's survival-instinct kicks in, and this time he manages to send the taller boy a good two feet away.

"You disgust me", he spits, feeling used and mortified and _horrible _and Daisuke's probably laughing at him right now.

Dark quirks his mouth into a crooked grin, half-pity, half-amusement as he shakes his head; "I know what your desires are. It's too bad you're resisting because you think it's the right thing to do."

Satoshi doesn't answer, and his feet refuse to move away, fingertips still shaking as he brings the back of his hand up to his tingling lips, glaring hatefully at the dark-haired man. 

Dark takes a step towards him, self-confidence visible in every nonchalant wave of limb. Soon, he's back in his original position, but this time Satoshi is only pinned against the wall by his own repulsive wants.

When Dark kisses him this time, he doesn't make much of an effort to resist, but he's not exactly giving in, either. Until his mind wanders and the indigo hair he's gripping turns a dark crimson, the body pressed up against his own turns shorter, slimmer; the mouth turns inexperienced but desperate, and the assertive violet eyes staring back at him turns carmine-shaded, glowing with hopeless lust.

He loses himself in the man that is and is not his greatest desire, it's one of those _so close yet so far_-situations, and although he is sure that Krad is screaming threats so frightening and exaggerated it'd usually make him sick to the stomach in the back of his head, he's still happily unaware of the concrete world and everything in it as he whispers _DaisukeDaisuke_ohgod_Daisuke _into the crook of the phantom-thief's neck.

The days that follow are empty and meaningless, the blinding pain caused by Krad's hands (his own hands) is so intense he isn't sure what is and what isn't anymore.

He doesn't tell Krad about the black-winged angel that visits on one especially emotion-drained night when the monster within Satoshi is sleeping peacefully, the hatred and regret reflected clearly in those purple eyes before he can even get a word in.

Satoshi says nothing, and he doesn't remember if the angel in disguise (_demon_) said anything either, but when he wakes up there's a black feather cradled by his hand and it feels a lot like goodbye.

He screams his frustration out, bleeding knuckles and cracks in the wall and endless torture and _whywhywhy-_

Krad is there to take mercy on him, to erase the touches of sin-covered fingers, to make-believe kiss away the taste of his almost-fulfilled dream.

**iii.**

"Tonight, he dies", Krad's whispering voice echoes throughout his head, and the sound sends chills down his spine. "Isn't that right, my love?"

Satoshi closes his eyes - he feels all carved out, like there's so many invisible scars permanently forming patterns across his body that he doesn't even know who (or what) he is anymore.

He thinks of the perfect and carefully calculated plan, the one involving the death of his equal, his untouchable dream, his once-world.

"Yes, that's right", he murmurs, knowing full well the weight of his decision - meaning his own death, as well.

He finds it only too fitting to have his death linked with Niwa's, and for a moment, there is hesitation shooting throughout his unmoving heart.

But then Krad's ice-cold arms encircle him as if it's all a dream, the ghost of a touch against his neck that he know is completely imaginary.

Satoshi smiles, even as the prophecy is complete, even as he feels his mind slip away tiredly; in the end, it's always Krad, there for him even in the chilling and too-dark embrace of death.

**iv.**

**A/N;**

Sooo.. I haven't written a single story in like three months while I was on vacation. Let me tell you, though, it was great.

I have always liked DNAngel and in my opinion, there is far too little fandom out there. But the characters are just so great I can't help pairing everybody up with everybody; especially Satoshi. Because Dark/Satoshi is totally awesome. So is Satoshi/Daisuke, though..

I'm sorry, I'm totally a babbling mess because I'm tired as hell. Please enjoy the Satoshi!angst-ness.

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